“That’s cool,” I said, as if what he’d said was no big deal. When I questioned her way of going about it, she said to me, “you seem to be just fine, like you’re moving on, but it seems like she needs a friend.” Filled with rage and wanting to cry, I said, “Oh, OK, I get it now. Being the least gossipy of the gossipers, I had been irked recently when one of the members accused me, in a subtle and perhaps unaware way, of causing her problems for having gossiped.
Enraged from my conversation with R., I sent an email to P., one of the members of my group, copying A. In it, I accused her of being as gossipy as other gossipers.
Strategic reasons not to date before divorce Emotions are raw during a divorce.
That’s not exactly how he said it, but I got the message: I had a temporary reprieve from judgment. In The Nervous Breakdown essay I wrote a few weeks ago, there is a line where I say “I’m doing great, the kids are happier, and my new girlfriend blows my fucking mind.” The first three words of this are a complete fabrication, and my male friends, knowing how men must be, immediately saw through it—the tenor of our conversations about sports, with the occasional drunken dip into my sorrows, did not change a beat. My female friend R., however, who, like J., is a professional friend who became acquainted with my wife through me, asked my wife to a party that I was also invited too, calling my wife to see if it was OK. A mere 20 minutes after the phone call to my female friend R., I sent “the email.” I’m in a writing group dominated by women, and in a writing group dominated by women, there is occasionally gossip.Believe me, he will likely react to the fact that you are dating by making your life hell during the divorce process.He may seek revenge to compensate for the anger, hurt, and embarrassment that he feels you have caused him.He already had two children already and even though in the first instance he said he wanted to have another with me, I knew that he had started to change his mind 3 months in as I could sense it and I ignored the signs as I didn't want to face the consequences of that outcome.Instead, confront your situation head on (if you want kids with a divorced guy) especially if he has children already.
During the relationship he may run into old friends who ask about his divorce and his ex-wife, so mentally prepare yourself for that.